The UK Internet was brought to a standstill last night by a heavy snowfall.

A spokesman for the Internet said “we have contigency plans for these situations, and our web gritters were out in force on all the major internet trunk routes, but when you have 5 million people tweeting that it’s snowing, all within the space of a few minutes, there’s very little we can do”.

Problems also spread to the most popular web destinations. The BBC email server is being dug out from under a huge drift of snow pictures and videos being sent in by members of the public with nothing better to do. The major cables in and out of London were blocked, and several TCP-IP packets were forced to sleep in their cars overnight.

Police were advising people to stay off the internet apart from essential surfing. The Chief Constable of the Internet Police said “you have to ask yourself: is posting your opinion about whether we’re going to have a white Christmas or not on ‘Have Your Say’ worth the danger to yourself and your family?”

Has your internet connection been affected by the snow? Send your telegrams, etchings and watercolours to “Brr It’s Chilly Isn’t It”, Mere Bagatelle House, Norfolk, NR1 FFS.