Archive for category Mere Fakery
Freak Weather Conditions Bring Internet to a Standstill
Posted by Simon in Mere Fakery on December 18th, 2009
The UK Internet was brought to a standstill last night by a heavy snowfall.
A spokesman for the Internet said “we have contigency plans for these situations, and our web gritters were out in force on all the major internet trunk routes, but when you have 5 million people tweeting that it’s snowing, all within the space of a few minutes, there’s very little we can do”.
Problems also spread to the most popular web destinations. The BBC email server is being dug out from under a huge drift of snow pictures and videos being sent in by members of the public with nothing better to do. The major cables in and out of London were blocked, and several TCP-IP packets were forced to sleep in their cars overnight.
Police were advising people to stay off the internet apart from essential surfing. The Chief Constable of the Internet Police said “you have to ask yourself: is posting your opinion about whether we’re going to have a white Christmas or not on ‘Have Your Say’ worth the danger to yourself and your family?”
Has your internet connection been affected by the snow? Send your telegrams, etchings and watercolours to “Brr It’s Chilly Isn’t It”, Mere Bagatelle House, Norfolk, NR1 FFS.
Oi, Darcy, you slaaaaag!
Posted by Simon in Mere Fakery on May 26th, 2009
Guy Ritchie’s latest effort is coming out soon, a “re-invention” of Sherlock Holmes. I’m inclined to hate it already. Okay, so Star Trek was recently re-imagined, and I loved that, but for some reason I don’t trust Mr. Madonna’s Ex to handle this cherished character in the same way. Especially since Guy’s suffered the fate of everyone who gets near Madonna, and lost any talent he may have had.
Madonna is a career vampire, she feeds off those of others. Just think of all the people she’s been closely involved with, and then think of what happened to their careers afterward. Britney Spears and William Orbit (remember him?) to name but two. Mere husks now. I think it’s some kind of alchemy involving the blood of African orphans.
Anyway, it has got me thinking what other classic literary works Ritchie can get his hands on after Sherlock Holmes…
How it Works: The Baby
Posted by Simon in Mere Fakery, Mere Fatherhood, humour on May 25th, 2009
I must admit this whole new baby malarky was starting to panic me, but then I remembered a very instructional Ladybird book that I was given back in the seventies. After a bit of rummaging in the attic, I managed to dig it out and scanned in a few pages.
I think you’ll agree, it’s a perfect introduction for any father new to baby ownership.
Front page
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Page 4
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