Archive for category Mere Opinion
Sorry, you were in
Posted by Simon in Mere Opinion on December 23rd, 2009
The other day whilst sitting at home, I watched the postman draw up outside the house, post an item through our letterbox, and drive off.
I got up to see to see what he’d delivered. It was a small red card, entited “Sorry, you were out”, directing me to pick up a undeliverable parcel from the delivery office.
Oh, how strange, I thought. Despite being here all day I was apparently, by Royal Mail standards, “out”. Annoying too, because our local delivery office is a bugger to get to. I also wondered vaguely how he’d managed to decide we were out and write that card in the few seconds he’d been parked outside.
I’ve since learned that it’s fairly common practice these days for posties, when collecting the mail they have to deliver in the mornings, to make an “executive decision” not pick up bulky items that in all likelyhood they’re going to end up bringing back to the depot undelivered due to the recipients being at work.
Which is fair enough, I suppose. But with the Royal Mail increasingly under pressure from falling amounts of “snail mail” and parcels being one of the few areas still booming (due to the increasing amount of internet shopping) you’d think they’d make a special effort to try and deliver them, wouldn’t you?
They even write the little red cards while still at the post office. Saves even more time, and avoids that tricky situation of having someone open the the door while you’re busy writing the card saying that they’re out.
My wife has been at home (mostly) for more than half a year now, caring for a bump and then caring for the baby that it turned into. More than enough time, you would have thought, for the postie to begin to realise that there was a car with a baby seat parked out the front of our house for a reason, and save us the effort of going to collect parcels someone has paid to have delivered to the door.
But, these are hard times, and posties are stretched to do more with less time just like the rest of us. I think what annoys me most is that the existing card that the Royal Mail provide doesn’t cover the actual eventualities faced by it’s post-people, thus forcing them to effectively tell big fat porkies.
We got another “while you were out card” this morning, despite Jane being there all day. Perhaps it should have looked more like this:
The Alternative British Citizenship Test
Posted by Simon in Mere Blogging, Mere Opinion on August 5th, 2009
The trouble with the official British Citizenship Test is it’s a bit like testing if someone can drive by just quizzing them on the Highway Code, rather than putting them in a car and seeing if they can avoid hitting things. It’s too much about boring legislation and regulations and not at all about the stuff that you really need to know to survive in British society.
So I’ve put together a short quiz to test the more subtle things that make you British; like culture, and sport, and what to do on a Bank Holiday.
I present:
The Alternative British Citizenship Test
1) Did you see the game last night? (Pick one)
a: Yes, what were Chelsea playing at?
b: Yes, what were Arsenal playing at?
c: Yes, I really fancied the labrador but it seems it was the spaniel’s night.
d: No I was busy working and contributing to the economy.
2) What do the following have in common: The Queen, turkey, Noel Edmunds, silly hats?
a: They’re all things that Prince Phillip has shot at.
b: They’re all traditional elements of a Proper British Christmas Day.
c: They’re all things that you require a licence to transport on a public highway.
d: They’re all sacred to the Church of England.
3) Barker is to Corbett as Wise is to?
a: Morecambe
b: Whitley Bay
c: Southend
d: Lowestoft
4) Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards leaves the ski jump at a speed of S, where S is equal to the speed he is going. Where does he land?
a: At the other end of his dad’s back garden.
b: Just below the ski jump.
c: It doesn’t matter, it’s the taking part that counts.
d: Lowestoft
5) Which of the following CAN’T you do during a bank holiday?
a: Visit a garden centre.
b: Wash your car.
c: Watch “Apollo 13″ for the tenth time.
d: Visit a bank.
6) Where is the highest point in Britain?
a: Ben Nevis
b: Arthur Negus
c: Henman Hill
d: Harry Hill
7) The funniest thing ever on British television was:
a: Del Boy falling through that bar.
b: Basil Fawlty beating up that foreigner.
c: Compo crashing in that bath.
d: Princess Di hitting that pillar.
8.) Which of the following is a “joke” religion that only became official after it was given as a popular answer in the 2001 UK Census?
a: Hinduism
b: Christianity
c: Judaism
d: Islam
9) Put the following in order of line to the throne:
a: Stephen Fry
b: Delia Smith
c: Joanna Lumley
d: Jeremy Clarkson
10) Having a child under the age of 16 entitles you to:
a: Child Benefit payments.
b: Park in the good spaces at Tescos.
c: Bang on endlessly about them.
d: Five units of alcohol per day.
Excuses, excuses
Posted by Simon in Mere Opinion on May 29th, 2009
Illegal copying of material has become some commonplace that, apparently, many people don’t think of it as a crime at all. People are quite open about making copies of stuff illegally, and can’t pretend that I’ve never done it myself.
So I can’t take the moral high-ground, and I won’t. If you’re copying stuff illegally, you’re probably just as nice a person as me. And I’m a very nice person.
But that doesn’t stop me getting pissed off about it.
It’s not the fact that people are downloading stuff without paying for it that pisses me off, it’s the excuses that people seem to think they have to give for doing it. For example:
“But, when you pay for music, most of the money goes to the wrong people anyway.”
So? If it that were true, you have to admit that some of the money goes to the creative people involved. Plus, all the other people involved in putting together that song, film or TV show. So, in some way, you’re stealing from those people, and no matter what your feelings are about the fat cat media moguls creaming off the profits, there a people involved who don’t deserve to be stolen from.
“But it’s not stealing.”
Okay, so you’re not reaching into their pockets and pulling out wads of cash with a hearty “yoink!”, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not a thief. Perhaps the problem here is that the word thief has the wrong connotations. It suggests that something has been physically transferred from the victim to the perpetrator. When you take a copy of something that you didn’t pay for, the original still exists, no harm no foul, right?
Wrong, it’s still stealing, it’s just by a more circuitous route. If you don’t like being called a thief, invent a different word for what you’re doing and we’ll add it to the dictionary. (Definition: see “Thief”).
“But everyone else does it!”
That one doesn’t work. Ask any MP.
“But you can’t get this TV show any other way!”
So? Just because you can’t get something by legal means doesn’t make it right to get by illegal means. In fact, I’ve not seen a single situation where a little sprinkling of two magic ingredients won’t resolve this kind of issue.
The magic ingredients are patience and money. For example, virtually every TV show comes out on DVD eventually, and you can wait and pay for it. If it doesn’t, well, see my next excuse.
“But I need it NOW!”
No, you don’t. You want it now. Nobody needs to see the latest TV show now. Chill out, go for a walk, read a bloody book, watch something else on the telly. Amazingly, you won’t die.
“But the laws are stupid and restrictive.”
That’s a maybe. I sometimes think it’s stupid that I have to drive at 40 miles an hour along the long straight road to my house, because that’s the speed limit, even at 2 in the morning. That’s because laws are blunt instruments, designed to be morally right in the majority of situations. In this case, it’s morally right to expect payment for something you’ve created. The laws that defend that right may be “stupid” in places, but if you’re worried about that, fight to change the law.
For info, downloading stuff illegally isn’t fighting to change laws, it’s just ignoring them.
There are probably a lot more excuses that I haven’t thought of, but they all seem to boil down to the same basic statement: “I don’t want to pay (or wait) for the content I’m consuming, and people have made it easy for me to get it for nothing, so I will.”
That’s not an excuse, it’s a reason. If you use it as your reason, rather than pretending that somehow you’re fighting the good fight against restrictive copyright laws and evil media corporations, then I’ll respect you for not fooling yourself or trying to fool me. But don’t pretend that it’s a good reason. It’s just a reason.
Pro or Ante-natal?
Posted by Simon in Mere Fatherhood, Mere Opinion on May 27th, 2009
There was news this morning of a study that showed that prospective parents who attended antenatal classes that promote breathing techniques have no better experience during labour than parents who are just taught the basic “nuts and bolts” of what pregnancy entails. Women that had been attended classes and were taught “natural birth” methods (supposed to reduce the amount of medical intervention required in the birth) ended up asking for the same amount of conventional pain relief as women who’d not taken the classes.
The NCT (not NCP, they’re something quite different) are disputing the claims. This is unsurprising, as most of the extended antenatal classes in this country are run by them.
Jane and I decided early on that we’d not bother with NCT classes and instead take the free NHS route. This entailed a slightly cursory programme of three visits to a community centre to learn about stuff like how plastic babies fit through plastic pelvic bones, and how much change you need for the hospital car park (which isn’t NCP or NCT). I think it was enough information for us.
One of the things they covered was pain relief, and I remember in particular the discussion we had about TENS machines. For the uninitiated (as I was), a TENS machine is a bit like those muscle stimulation gadgets they sell on the shopping channels to get rid of flabby tummies. Placed on the skin, they stimulate the nerves and are supposed to reduce pain during labour.
There’s not much evidence that TENS machines actually work, and the midwife at our antenatal class that covered pain relief more or less admitted that she thought twiddling with the knobs on the machine distracted mums from the pain by “giving them something to do”.
I think that’s probably the main benefit of extended antenatal classes. The nine months of a first pregnancy is an awful long time to fill, and the gaps between decorating and buying baby stuff are mainly filled with worrying about something you don’t really have any control over: the birth. NCT classes and their ilk give parents “something to do”, and maybe give them back a sense of control.
It doesn’t matter so much, then, that what they’re learning is a little common sense midwifery wrapped up in a lot of (literal) puff which won’t actually benefit them on the day. The important thing is that up until that day, they felt more able to deal with it.
But I’m still happy of being to be ignorant of how to breathe. When the day comes, I’ve been taught by existing fathers the two facts that will get me through the worst of the delivery. One: take the blame for everything. Two: if they’re biting down on their hand, don’t offer to replace it with yours.